Ahhh... totally captivated by NBA Live 2003 already. Like Totally. Those fast-breaks and fantasy dunks. Oh man. And i created my alter ego, and drafted him into Lakers (the failed team for 02-03 season). Then i found out that i'm too short for NBA. My shots get blocked Everytime unless it's Really open. This is so irritating. And my 150-pound featherweight bod just can't stand up to anyone there. "Derek! Please sub me..."  ¶

21:30 |

 

Haven't been able to sign in for the past few days, partly due to the buggy connection and partly due to shortage of time. After scrambling out of flushed confusion, life's back to its lackadaisical mundanity again. Either way, the same old problem persists - school work. All the meagre happiness seems to be residual after mountains of workload filter off most of any feelings, save frustration. But if i do not try to myself, i won't be happy with anything. So here goes - a war to be happy is declared.

The pimple on my nose is showing a slight sign of retardation in its growth, which is happy news. Since everyone who is acquaintant enough to say 'hi' will ruthlessly remind me of the presence of the hormonal-disorder-induced, i might as well herald to the whole world.

- - -

This was a 27th May post, couldn't get it up then due to connection breakdown:

*sigh* Swan Lake City is restricted to under-twenty-ones. Looks like Starlight Cinema is going to be the Highlight of June. :) Just read in the papers that Les Miserables, following the footsteps of Cats, has waved bye to Broadway. Au revoir! :(

Getting more and more lazy to post, what more with my Dad tight on my trail now. Internet connection screws up a lot, too, both at home and in school. Can someone shoot Bill Gates? Hmmm... maybe not. But if it continues this way i'll return to the old fairydom of The Once and Future King, T.H. White for a while.  ¶

09:49 |

 

You learn something new everyday!
- Mark Twain's real name is Samuel Langborne Clemens.
- The saying "rule of thumb" originates from an old English law saying that you can't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.  ¶

09:49 |

 

Our girls lost to AJ?! Indifference was what i felt when i was told by someone that RJ was down by 4 points at the end of the third quarter. i was keeping score at the other court where HC and SA were fighting it out (actually SA took most of the beating), so i did not even bother to check out our own game. "Tiny hitches," i was thinking to myself, "We'll soon catch up." But we did not... When i ran back to court one, there were fifty-six seconds left, and RJ was down by 2, and it remained that way till the final whistle... Looks like luck just isn't with Raffles basketball this year. Through some trickery of fortune both the boys and girls team fell in the hands of AJ.

- - -

Didn't go back to school for Songwriting and maths S after all... *sigh* i'm so lazy.  ¶

20:39 |

 

Leaving for the girls' semi-final match (against AJ or SA, not sure which) in an hour, but took the liberty to skip maths lecture. A slight headache is haunting me again. Today is another long day, which just makes it worse to be ailing. And i really should not absent myself from maths S sessions anymore*.

Really looking forward to the Stella Artois show now. Haven't yet been to a proper outdoor cinema before (not counting the screening of LOTR 1 at Konica Celebration Tree @ Orchard 2002). But regarding the picnic... :p On the other hand, it is such a pity that Swan Lake City is rated R(A). A lingering hope is that R(A) arts performances are restricted to U-18 instead of U-21. If so, then Starlight Cinema would have to give way, i guess. Can't really go for both of them since they are so close together.

Dropped my phone in the TS toilet just now. And the sturdy phone that survived a huge fall from the Cadbury Inverter finally met its nemesis - the icy, tiled TS toilet floor. The LCD screen broke, much like how my old calculator** screen did. And now only the top left-hand corner of the screen is visible. Looks like my plan to keep my classic phone intact until it is antique enough to qualify as an antique has failed... :(
Me (thinking): Poor guy's handphone on the floor. Not mine right? *looks at the screen without bending down* No my screen doesn't look like that. ... Wait... that IS my handphone! ARGH!!!

* Said that exactly a week ago, but still skipped it in the end 'cause i was too tired after the AJ game which i didn't even play.
** Another treasured possession. It stayed by my side since Sec 1 till roughly third term last year, requiring no change of battery whatsoever, and helped me attain my A1s in maths, A maths, physics and chemistry. Then i threw and broke it in a fist of anger and frustration 'cause i couldn't cope with something. Maybe it was complex numbers? Feel so ashamed, still.  ¶

12:25 |

 

Still mulling over last Friday's game. So many could-haves and should-haves surface in the process. Should have blown up during the HC game; could have won the PJ game... It was kind of stupid of me to perform so well in a game that nobody knows, nobody cares. But i know that many many years from now, i'll still remember my consequential performance in an inconsequential game. And that's all the comfort i need.

- - -

Biggest mistake, you call it?! It's been days now and i have not yet even dared to recollect and reorganise my memories and thoughts, let alone branding them and putting them on the shelf. It looks like you have set your mind for quite some time already, eh? i'd have to think twice (just a figure of speech, in reality i suppose i'd think of it two hundred times) before i'd call it anything, mistake or whatever. But if you must, i'd call it a half-hearted try, and not mine, for the moment.  ¶

12:02 |

 

HAHAHA!!! So happy now that i don't even think i can sleep tonight! The rookie me finally exploded! Can't remember exactly four or five baskets i scored* in the game today, but at last, i played some good basketball - my basketball. Almost thought i could save the game and be the hero for once, but my faith wasn't strong enough, and my stamina failing me. Although towards the end we lost the fight**, and lost to PJ (by quite a lot actually), i've become a renewed player thanks to this game. And now i think i'm not going to give up basketball after all. i've proved to myself that i'm beyond third-rate player, beyond a mere weak link.

But of course, that's not the only reason for feeling so happy. And basketball dreams ain't the only thing that was renewed today...

* All i remember is that during the game, after each basket i've scored since the second one, i'd think, "Man, i'm losing count!" :p
** It was a little sad 'cause when we were playing, the court was the deadest i've ever seen, just because it was an inconsequential game. Only a few rafflesians bothered to stay behind after watching the girls' game earlier. But saw Xiao Xue!!! Hee damn happy about that. And of course Eve, a million thanks to you for making it down. :)  ¶

22:24 |

 

Having lost twelve points to HC yesterday, and knowing that tomorrow's gonna be our last game, my feelings are really mixed. On one hand, i'm so relieved that this whole business is going to be over, and i finally have (more) time for other, if not finer, things in life (such as lifeless mugging). On the other, i hope it carries on to the very end. Used to think of all the hardship endured for a year*, all the hopes and aspirations (i.e. the clich¨¦ stuffs which weren't too clich¨¦, at least to me), and the pathetic amount of play time i've got. But now the only thought left is "let's show PJ good basketball". And i'm ready.

* Which seemed so distant now they hardly matter, if at all...  ¶

22:51 |

 

Today's NS check-up session was pretty much like a precursor to the real thing itself - interesting, amusing, and slightly intimidating. Some officers were especially amiable and easy-going (like the MOs at the lab who passed out-of-point jokes at one another and me while drawing blood out of my arm*); some were mean and not at all willing to share a little smile (like the $%*#@! MO at the ECG room** and the clerk at the computer lab). Particularly like the uniform-fitting session (i wear the second smallest cap, how small is my head! And i wear uniform size M. Wonder for whom the XXLs are reserved for...). That was the moment when it really felt like i'm going to be there, so did Wenjie agree. And of course, the ultimate torment of the day was the hour-long psychometric test. It just dragged on and on. The countless repetition of the message "You may take a short rest before the next set of tests" certainly tests every pre-enlistee's patience to not to smash the monitor using the pencil provided for rough working.

Went down to Tiong Bahru after that for a lunch at KFC. Then undertook some pre-BMT training using the state-of-the-art technology - Time Crisis 3. Ooh man it's FUN! :p

* "Wah! i like your blood man! Can i keep more for my private collection? Ooh, look at it oozing out. It excites me..."
** Yu Chong, i'm sure the guy who pissed you off is him! Leave a comment if you see this.  ¶

21:37 |

 

Lost another game, to AJ, again with a tiny margin of three points. i, as prognosticated, did not get a single second of play-time. Well, ain't going to be bothered by it. i'm starting to settle into the fact that i AM a third-rate player. But still hoping that, like Kobe or T-Mac, a thrid-rate player can also blow up into something big when the chance comes 'round. 'Tis a tiny hope, but at least still hoping.

Q: How do you tell if you've been warming the bench for too long?
A: You know it when your underwear's stuck to your ass.  ¶

20:00 |

 

In light of the library of books Miss Readalot just bought herself, i shall review what pitiful rubbish i've stomached over the past year:
Rainbow Six by Tom Clancy
Exhibitionism by Toby Litt* - a gift explicitly asked from Eve, whose adventure to locate it had been yet another little embarassing tale. :p
A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking
The Postman (Il Postino) by Pablo Neruda (a 1971 laureate of Nobel Prize in Literature, whose real name is Neftalí Ricardo Reyes Basoalto)
The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien**

But i'm proud to say that, compared to the list of unsuccessful ventures, i could still be considered an avid reader. :p
Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
Les Misérables*** by Victor Hugo
No Logo by Naomi Klein

* It just struck me that an exhibitionist may not be a voyeur's best friend; just like a masochist may not appeal to a saddist. In both cases, the means supersede the ends. Anyway the book is rather interesting, even though it might have been a little kitsch and shallow.
** How do you pronounce his name anyway? toll-ki-en or token?
*** Can never remember which "e" has the stroke. Had to check up its official site for that.

- - -

Wow! Just realized bluepen has been blogging for over a month! *applause*

- - -

"move on," he whispers with a tiny voice in the tiny shower cubicle, "move on..."  ¶

22:02 |

 

Can't believe it! It was the audience who turned the C-grade performance into an absolutely A-grade one. All the laughters and "ooh"s and "awww"s came in time and in place. Even things we never thought as funny ourselves seemed to be hilarious to them. The most extra part was at the beginning of the Scene 1, when Clara (as Clara) and Wanping (as Christy) walked onto stage, tossed a few passes, and then said, "Let's go get a drink." And the audience found THAT extremely tickling! Clemence (as Jared) was really the star of the show; so was Clara, who totally won the audience over with her euphonic singing. Am especially satisfied with my own extemperaneous finger-wagging trick, too. :p And, of course, the bird of paradise to celebrate a most beatific closure to the event.

- - -

News of our advancement into the second round reached me this morning (i almost gave up going for training 'cause i was so tired and sleepy) as i arrived at the court where the team was sitting in a tight circle and Gabriel was shooting solitarily. It turned out that SR managed to beat TJ with a double-digit point difference, if i do not recall wrongly. It is really bizarre how we managed to lose that game. Rather quaintly, i'm not especially happy or excited now we've pulled through. Perhaps the game has morphed into something out of my league, out of my control. It's almost like supporting another team. i really doubt playing an average of 3-5 minutes each game has any direct influence over the game or the team. But anyway, the three games played on Mon, Wed, and Fri will leave little time and strength for training, which is definitely a blessing.

- - -

"Now the little hope in me is saying that maybe it won't be messy after all..." At times it's very very weird how lifeless words, arranged in ways inscrutable, have lives of their own and cling on to you. i'm so afraid what i say will hurt you again. Finally realized that you're right; i really have so little idea what hurts you. But whatever does, it hurts me too...

Mum was being extremely irritating over dinner again over whom i've been going out with. i don't need her to poke her nose into my private life. The blunt her doesn't understand at all, what matters to me and what hurts me...  ¶

20:26 |

 

Finally, it's here, the day i can't wait to get over with. From the concert's very initial establishment, to its momentary cancellation; from its reactivation after the SARS holidays, till now that it's within hours, i've virtually been brought on a bumpy roller-coaster ride. Though not exactly, the preparation period has to a large extent witnessed the dark times of my recent life, in fact the darkest in years. Even now when i speak of it, i can't say that i'm without regrets. But it does not matter anymore. All i'm looking forward to now is a good performance, go home, take a hot shower, and put myself (and memories) to bed. Tomorrow will be another milestone in my JC life, another day which i can't wait to get over with.

By then, hopefully, my life will start anew.  ¶

14:36 |

 

It's such a wonderful day at the zoo! All worldly concerns were left at home for the entire sultry afternoon. Especially memorable moments were a handshake with a curious (and assumably young) white-maned tamarin at the tree-top trail, and the discovery of mugger crocodiles (which were not mugging but sun-tanning). And of course, Jane was totally satisfied with the elephant ride, which proved the conquest of her fear of the gentle giant, and allowed her to finally put a haunting childhood embarassment behind. :p

Here's a list of all animals encountered (not in order of appearance or any order for that matter):
1. primates (including more species than one can count: siamangs, tamarins, chimpanzees, one very glum orang utan, a pompous zookeeper that was bullying the orang utan, gibbons, mandrills...)
2. polar bears (one of Jane's favourites, but one has green algae growing on its body, yuck)
3. African lions (sleepy)
4. maned wolves (even more sleepy)
5. Malayan sunbears
6. blackbucks, guanacos, greater kudus, zebras, barbary sheep, elands, nyalas (i.e. hooved quadrupeds that look either like a horse, sheep or deer)
7. single-humped camels
8. racoons (very hygiene-aware lil' creatures)
9. prairie dogs (which, to my ignorant surprise, are far from dogs)
10. snakes, lizards and mugger crocodiles (read: mean creatures)
11. roosters, peacocks, storks, flamingos ("Do you know if flamingos don't eat enough shrimps their red colour will fade?!" - courtesy of Jane)
12. elephants (a favourite of course, though they didn't seem to be quite in control of their err... bowels)
13. porcupine (sadly singular)
14. cheetahs and jaguars (do you know their minute difference?)
15. caracals (whose scientific, Latin name is "caracal caracal")
16. white rhinos
17. ostriches
18. meerkats
19. tree frogs (slimy and disgusting... make you never want to eat gummies again)
20. silver dollars (insignificant fish with kinda significant name)

Lastly, a (somehow) must-mention encounter with a stray cat around my block on my way home proved to be very err... strange... But of course, you can find most of the animals mentioned above in the photo album, as they were faithfully captured by my trustworthy Minolta. :)  ¶

21:12 |

 

May it not be another cruelty of fate that had rekindled the slightest hope in me, now that i'm crossing my fingers again that we will advance into second round, and i will be able to play. Cautiously, i'm peering behind my already full-drawn cover to see the outcome of it all. But i'll doubtlessly shrink back into my shell in the shortest time possible if things don't work out. Call it cowardly if you want, but i've only got myself to watch my back.

Tossing other thoughts aside, this should be a happy day! And i hereby declare it:
THE ZOO DAY!  ¶

10:12 |

 

Stayed home for some recuperation, despite tomorrow being a (much-looked-forward-to) public holiday. Yesterday was truly a nightmare: a 5:10 day with only a forty-minute break is bad enough on its own, what more with a rehearsal that dragged past 9:30. Not meaning any disrespect, but a blessed holiday is about all the impact Buddha has on my life. Vesak Day is karma.

Am really reluctant to drag myself to school later for yet another training. i've lost all faith in myself being able to bag any play time in the second round, even if we manage to get there. Or have i...? Why do i still force myself to go for training then? *sigh* i can't even answer myself...  ¶

12:44 |

 

i already can't remember when was the last time i went all out to hurt someone physically. i don't even think i ever did that. So was naturally feeling troubled after that vengeful push during PE. It was an impulsive act, and no doubt an immature one. But what matters is that i have stated my point. Guess it doesn't achieve anything by thinking about it anymore. A particular comforting moment was when friends came to rally (in spirit if not moral), and did not feel all that alone.

Just solved a maths S question for Kat. Feeling particularly good about it, despite the unidentified Chinese teacher having a few words about me not leaving the classroom promptly while i was puzzling over the sum. "Other people can take their time but you can't 'cause you're famous." ><  ¶

14:41 |

 

Feeling all cranky today. It's as if all the devilish agony that was painstakingly contained for a whole year was suddenly allowed to be unleashed... And it makes me so so tired.  ¶

14:20 |

 

Let me faithfully chronicle what happened yesterday during White Room, so as to defend myself against the name of the Humji One:
me: Orh, don't be scared okay? *pat jane's head* Nothing to be scared about.
jane: ... *petrified*
...
j: Want to go?
m: *look at jane pitifully* Ok let's go.
Dare you deny that the above quotes are true (albeit partial)?! :ppp  ¶

22:19 |

 

History cruelly repeated itself today. As we lost a heart-wrenching two points to TJ, our season most likely has come to an end (a lingering hope that SR will beat TJ is best kept away). And i (again) have scored just one point, out of two free-throws, in the less than three minutes of play time i got. Sadness, hatred, frustration, anger, all converted into violence and tears... If this is really the last day of our season, then let this be the last day i ever play basketball. i waited five long years after the operation in sec 1, before i could play for my school again. And i only got less than 3 minutes to prove myself?! Coach said, "Five years?! You are quite out of touch." He only gave me 3 minutes... only 3 minutes... to prove myself. Anyway i picked up the sport at seven. Twelve years of playing has proven myself not cut out for the game. Maybe it's time i put it down and take a rest...

Thanks Eve, my thoughts flew back to a year ago, when you were always by my side. i felt strong, even when tears were falling; and i could stand, even when worlds come tumbling down. You were always just a call away, and always there for me. You were the reason that i went on, and on and on. Now i need to do all those things for a little girl who can't get into the team, can't get the scholarship, lost an election, and doubts herself just like i did and do. i can't help but wonder: will i ever be able to do it like you?  ¶

21:11 |

 

Just finished* reading A Saga of Mathematics by Martin Lewinter and this-other-guy. It is generally interesting (like any other books on general mathematics might expect to be), though the presentation could be made (much) more vibrant. Throughout the book Lewinter was trying to make pathetic jokes that were suppposedly there to amuse and capture the reader, though the only funny one i could pick out was "Ireland is the richest country in the world since its capital is always Dublin". The others are best left unmentioned.

* finished: v. tr. Completed till the point where i got bored.  ¶

12:34 |

 

Suddenly Enetation has returned to normal (while Hotmail's gone all haywire), so i'm reverting to Enetation for comments. It is more visually pleasing, in my opinion. Therefore *ahem* you guys better give your comments diligently and not waste my approximate aggregate of 3 hours putting up the system. :p Enetation isn't extremely user-friendly after all.

Anyway went down to watch the game between SA and TJ (whom we'll be parring against this Saturday) today. TJ didn't stand a chance against SA, which will (most likely) mean they don't stand a chance against us too. It is quite a comforting thought (that i'll get more playing time and some precious points at last), albeit at their expense. Didn't see Amanda today though. She should be there on Saturday. Now that entering the second round seems given, it will be yet another round of mental struggle to get prepared for the tougher fight ahead. i myself am trying very hard to suppress the "i didn't even get much playing time in the first round, i'm definitely not going to play in the second round" notion, and fight hard regardless of other factors.

*Sigh* expect a day of pure, concentrated ennui tomorrow, which will precede yet another sucky day. i'm starting to have a very, very bad feeling about the remnant of this year, especially the June holidays.  ¶

21:21 |

 

A loner by nature, you feel uncomfortable when around those you don't know and even those you do. You are awkward when it comes to relationships, but fiercely loyal to those you love.

Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla  ¶

08:44 |

 

Changed the commenting system 'cause the one provided by Enetation is buggy. Still in the midst of fine-tuning the new one, so bear with the ugliness for a while please. :)  ¶

19:19 |

 

WE WON! It was a satisfying 12-point over SRJC. Though i'd be so much happier if i played better, i'm having much strong hopes in the team now. Onward to the TJC game on Saturday! But weird... thought i was in a worse mood just now, thinking all about my failure to block out and rebound... But i'm obviously happier now. Don't even feel like bemoaning and complaining. Could it be you? :p  ¶

17:21 |

 

Thinking over who i am and what i have, there really isn't much to be unhappy about. Perhaps i should think more of what i have, instead of what i want. Ok then, i'll go make jelly and try to be happy.

Dreaming basketball the whole night...  ¶

15:28 |

 

Expect some major changes coming along... *grins*  ¶

19:45 |

 

Was it a good game? i guess it was. We contained last year's champion all the way until the end of 3rd quarter. For an extended period of time we were even leading by a narrow margin. In the end we lost by a not-so-reasonable 12 points. But i'm NOT satisfied! i was believing we could beat them, and believed that all through the game. And we should have won... On second thought though, i might have been naive. SAJC could have held back somewhat. They do have a very deep bench.

If i'm unsatisfied with the score, at least i'm very impressed by the fight we put up today. But what i'm really dissatisfied with is myself... So disappointed with how little time i have on the court; even more disappointed with how badly i performed while i was down there. Not a single shot made, no assist, practically no rebound. i'm so so disappointed. Now with a bad knee injury (conceived from a clash with an opponent guard, which still earned me a blocking foul), i can't help but being somewhat pessimistic about the coming games (for me, that is). i don't want to end up like when i was in sec 1, scoring ONE point in the entire season...

On my way home in a cab, the windshiled wipers seemed to be dancing frantically to the beats of the Indian music played on the radio, which is in a queer way very very disturbing...  ¶

10:57 |

 

Proudly announcing the opening of a commenting system on this blog! Now anyone who cares to peek into my uninteresting thoughts can leave theirs as well. :)

Oh by the way Jane, my parents didn't see me. But i'm now thinking about how to explain everything to Yoshie. It's no big deal really, just very... strange, in a way. And which urges me to chronicle another bizarre moment of yesterday at City Hall MRT station:
Yoshie: Hi!
Me: Oh! HI!
Y: Girlfriend ah?
M: Yar. Err... No!
Y: *STARE* Huh...?
*sigh* Eve, somehow it still took me a sec to realize that the person behind me wasn't you...  ¶

12:43 |

 

Can't help but come back here and jot down something, for the last afternoon was really tremendous. X-Men 2 was a great movie to start with. But it was the saturated sweetness by my side that truly filled my heart to the brim with bliss. Being five minutes late for the 4:15 show converted into two-and-half hours of pure joy, including a most bizarre moment of the day:
Me: Hey i go check out the... THAT'S MY PARENTS!
Jane: You're joking!?
Me: Oh hell... (started scurrying away)

For all those who can't find a washroom around Toa Payoh central. Here's a field guide:
Walk out from the bus interchange (or walk up from the MRT station). There is a minuscule sign showing the alleyway to the toilet, which is just beside a watch shop. Nota bene: there is NO toilet in the MRT station (at least not yet, "we regret any inconvenience caused"), the air-conditioned bus interchange, or McDonald's.  ¶

09:54 |

 

i'm so confused i refuse to think anymore... Don't even think i'll put up anything here for some time, since my brain is now depleted of even uninteresting thoughts.  ¶

12:11 |