Just a thought that suddenly struck me during the soporific double-period economics tutorial: if there is the study of history of music, history of literature, history of arts, history of architecture et cetera, shouldn't there be a history of history?

Finally finished reading up the basics of Keynesian theories. The deeper i read into economics, the stronger i feel the limitations of the subject and the subtle hint of the desperate struggle of mankind to get nowhere. But as Keynes himself put it, "In the long run we're all dead", death is truly a solution for any problems*.

Getting started on Hooke's Law as well. Slowly pulling life back on track but life is fat.

* At least those that bug you when you're alive.  ¶

13:36 |

 

Added link: Your Past Life Analysis. Another piece of crap on the net accidentally stepped upon. :p  ¶

14:39 |

 

Feeling like a dog sapped of its fighting spirits, i've zombied through my day in school. But come to think about it, there hasn't been any significant depressant actually. i'm just depressed out of the blue, which brings me onto the following come-back resolutions:
1. No more late night calls. Limit phone calls to half an hour per day (with your kind understanding). :)
2. Start on economics (chapters on the Keynesian theory) immediately, and at the meantime complete the MCQ questions. To be done within 2 weeks.
3. Start on physics TYS (alternating current and analogue electronics) immediately.
4. Start on mechanics (Hooke's Law) now. To be done before Wednesday.  ¶

14:35 |

 

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7! Seven happy happy days of the week! In retrospect, all those little setbacks are not so bad after all. They all sort of pale in comparison to the happiness i received, which now overflows like Rusky's drool... yuck! :p But big boy doesn't seem to like me very much (despite my best efforts to speak Elfish to it). And it doesn't listen to commands at all. Its only predictable actions are
1. sniffing around a pole or rubbish bin then pee on it or
2. show strong interest in/bark at other dogs.
Other than that it does everything completely at random.

- - -

Well Jane, according to this, you were a male builder of houses, temples and cathedrals in your last earthly incarnation. And you were born in North India around the year 1425. Obviously, not much of what you built still remain standing. :)  ¶

21:52 |

 

Despite a headache that couldn't be shaken off the whole afternoon (and as a result, your claypot rice and ban mian went to waste*), and despite having to lug the guitar and my heavy heavy bag (containg my file, Sloman, a discman, F maths TYS et cetera), my day ended on a very happy note. *grins* But i feel really bad for making you wait around for so long, and can't wait to reciprocate your kindness. :)

* Not really, i ate the meat and you ate the vegies in the claypot rice. But the ban mian turned bad. How much do i owe you by the way?  ¶

21:05 |

 

Listening to an F4 song and cry? i'd Never have imagined it before. Even if i had, it was with a reasonable amount of disgust. Yet as i was coming to school and listening to Di Yi Shi Jian on the radio yesterday morning, tears almost gushed out of my eyes. Somehow when the chorus started to play and i hummed along "you qing hui di yi shi jian gan lai", the sore reflex running up my nose grew slightly too overwhelming. Probably it's the weariness; probably i too yearn for some love and care...  ¶

10:55 |

 

Except for the morning jam between Steven Road and Adam Road exits (which made me late for school for the fifth time this year), it has been a pleasant day so far. My New&Improved Konyaku jelly was well-received. Shiying was kind enough to exclaim, "It smells nice!" as soon as she got her nose within sniffing range. The compliment was soon backed up by Zhijing (and Wanyun if i'm not wrong, though at the most she said "Yar"). Almost everyone got one but there wasn't enough to go around. In actual fact, i always made so much of it but i'm experiencing a deficiency of moulds*. Yu Chong commented that longan is a more "classic" choice than peach. But i personally like peach better than any other fruits, both for the taste and symbolism** of it. Into the jelly was also added an intuitive amount of orange essence. So that's my two favourite fruits combined and glorified! What is less widely known is the variety of unconventional tools (which include a screw driver and a pair of pliers) i deployed and the little catastrophes (such as the orange essence that refused to open up) i confronted in the making of the jelly. These are best left unknown, in the words of Evelyn. :p

* Note to self: buy more moulds this weekend.
** Just in case people think about peach differently, my impression of it is young, sunny, cherubic and sexy (in its milder and not seductive forms). Never, ever, ask me why... :p  ¶

13:26 |

 

The Enneagram Test. This is me:



In other words,
4w5: They overworry and have bad mood swings. They are wayward and eccentric. They can't get out of their loserish solitudes, so they might as well indulge in it.
5w6: You are egregiously restless, indecisive and nosey. You are loose and irresponsible. You are insecure and messy.

Hmmm... quite true... i for one always thought i were a banished alien from outer space...  ¶

16:20 |

 

Just updated the photo album. Feel free. :)  ¶

11:57 |

 

Finally, the black Thurday is here. And i really couldn't muster the strength and courage to face it. So... sorry Eve, it's me, i've prevaricated again. There are so many things on my mind, and i can't help but feeling stupid.

Sorry to my friends in class. There are things wrong with me. i can sense it though you guys don't say it. You guys do not exactly love me (no more? or never? i can't really tell now). i reacted by keeping to myself, by drifting away. What hurts me more is when all of you took it so comfortably, so many times leaving me behind as the last person to exit a class. Next time, just tell me directly okay? i can still take a criticism or two... i think...

Once again i've started to detest school and training, for so powerful are the loneliness and feelings of ostracism. i feel like a big loser... or maybe i AM one. i reacted by doing the only thing i know how to do - equivocate... But i never meant to... i want to be with everybody, really...

* * *

"School not much fun without running into you," you said. i'm sorry for being so selfish, and i really want to see you too, but... there are so many buts...  ¶

11:46 |

 

A rather depressing day, as it gets ever nearer to the trough of this weekly cycle. It's so quaint, i'm feeling slightly empty now that maths S tutorial is complete (and i mean Complete, which is to say that i shall not be summoned forth to submit any S paper work in the foreseeable future). i hope this sensation won't qualify me for some sessions on the couch... *wry smile*  ¶

13:15 |

 

Differentiation and curve sketching had never been friendlier, for this afternoon, Happiness was hovering over two mushroom swiss doubles and some BK fries. Where will it be tomorrow? Even the siege of the little pestilences isn't too bothering, except... HEY! Who says i'm any less good?! Hmmm... but the idea of laying hands on the exclusive can be a little intoxicating. Now That would be immature. Oops. :p

It's true! Singapore has just imported the acclaimed bullet trains! Spread the words! :p

*switching over from the adjacent window* Now there don't be lazy! *he said, pointing a finger at your... nose!* :p i virtually feed on your blog now, and you have kept me hungry for 2 days.

* * *

"i hope you're looking for something deeper as well," she said. Then everything seemed to settle nicely into place.  ¶

22:35 |

 

Hahaha, maths S tutorial 8 getting along well. A few cones and spheres and lines and curves ain't gonna stop me! Hahaha! i come i see i CONQUER! :) *brownies power not worn off yet*

Today is even more uneventful than yesterday. Life is slowly sliding into the minima of the week - Thursday. The fact that there will be twenty-plus more weeks such as this before the Antagonising Level Examination is rather depressing. The few things which keep me from dying from boredom* are the short glimpses and the (much-anticipated) after-schools.

* Interestingly, no one has yet to be reported to have died from boredom, though it is the most widely spread illness within human population. It is also unclear if any other life-forms suffers from this vice, too, albeit numerous claims from owners of pitcher plants who avouched that they saw their plants yawn in a way that suggests boredom.  ¶

13:33 |

 

Murphy's Law No. 4296: If you want brownies, you won't get it. The more badly you want them, the more unlikely you're going to sink those crooked teeth of yours into it. And if you skipped breakfast in hope of getting them, conGRAtulations! Your chance of not getting it just doubled. :)

ARGH i can't believe this!!! My maths S tutorial 7 was judged to be "half-completed"*, therefore i have to hand in tutorial 8!!! All those sleepless nights spent on Complex Numbers, now Integration. i feel like DIS-integrating. Hmmmm... but i shall persevere with my belief of non copie. *sigh* 2 more pooped nights ahead of me, feel so burnt out...

Nothing much really. Today is just that sort of days which you get on a daily basis. Sometimes wish that your five-ten day is on the same day as mine, then i won't be so bored on your five-ten day and hopeless on mine. Well, at least tomorrow is a good day. :) Except that all of a sudden MRT has become much more efficient than it used to... ilusión?

* In bold on the maths notice board just outside Staff Room 2.  ¶

15:19 |

 

YEAH! Added a couple of little-nothings to my site! Now it looks less like a dead lizard. :)

i'm really willing to trade my brownies to keep that photo... please? i'll give you jelly also. Not the watery ones, but the New&Improved ones. i'll also refrain my fingers (in particular the thumb and index) from anywhere within 2 inches of your nose for one week. Please?  ¶

21:26 |

 

Haha. Haha. Haha. So happy now! Drooling from the thought that i have brownies to eat for breakfast tomorrow morning. Even the risk of not having any breakfast (my stomach was rumbling all the time through the friendly match yesterday) and the risk of getting a nasty food-poisoning (which seems to be a more potential danger) are not putting me off! Hmmm... how early should i go school tomorrow? 7? 6:30? 6? Haha should i go camp now? Hahaha! Hey wait... if i don't manage to wake up early (probabillity of which is 0.827 taking into account of feng shui), you must save* some for me k? i want those sealed with kisses. You can give them the rest. :p *bluepen drifting away in ecstasy, not remembering that it isn't even His birthday*

* i mean SAVE, using brutality if necessary, considering your friends' avarice for food :p


thoughtbubbles: Sealed with a kiss... mmm... is that just a figure of speech? Mmm... don't care... still happy... :)  ¶

19:57 |

 

i've witnessed* you being haunted by the past**. i can feel your confusion. You see, if you're confused over what to say, you can just not say anything; if you're confused over what to do, you can just not do anything; if you're confused over what you've seen or heard, you can just shut your eyes and your ears. But now you're confused over what to think... can you just stop thinking? For me, it was painful... The harder i tried to not think about it, the faster and harder it recoils, like trying to press a buoy underwater. Therefore i think i can empathize. But instead of pressing your feelings down and under, why not just let them float? Maybe one day they will drift away. Before then, maybe, they will help guide your way.

But take your time... i'll wait a bit... like hmmm... not 20 years definitely. :p


* Actually i wouldn't think 'witness' is a good word. What i get is more like a second-hand account of a murder from the third best friend of the coroner's wife.
** More like the present... i know you wouldn't like to label him as past, at least... not yet.  ¶

15:01 |

 

i don't like anyone to call you stupid... not at all.

2 Ev: Singing Phantom today, suddenly thought of that song which describes my thoughts so well... Started humming and humming, and my heart grew lighter and lighter... i'm so happy that you are around... :)
Think of me, think of me fondly
When we've said good-bye
Remember me, once in a while
Please promise me you'll try
I never said our love was evergreen
Or as unchanging as the sea
But if you ever find a moment
Spare a thought for me
Think of all the things we've shared and seen
Don't think about the things which might have been...  ¶

19:57 |

 

Life has several interesting turns for even the uninterestings. Never before would i have imagined myself at where i am now. It's starting to rain outside, again. Finally decided* to take on Frost's road, after many evening spent looking ere and after. In a masochistic way, sleepless nights are enjoyable. But my room matches a jail nowadays, both in its physical and psychological manifestations. Flashlights from construction site outside shine in thoughout the night. My silhouette is ugly... almost as much so as me. Feel a cramping sensation in my stomach even as i write, for i'm the cause of our ephemerality, so i soon realized. Didn't want to prevaricate, didn't want to lie to nobody. Still i did, with that selfish heart wrapped within the husk i'm wearing. With my ring finger resting on Backspace, there are so many things i wish i could delete. NO! Not because i regret them, but because they are too dear to carry... yet too dear to discard... i could have loved you more, yet i did not. Why? i do not know. Perhaps i was taking tomorrow for granted. Now that tomorrow will not come for an entity known as "us". A delicate item known as "we" had ceased to exist, in a trice, when i uttered those words. Now Enter is what i have to type. *waving bye frantically (to convince myself?)" Farewell! Thus be the end... our (which will ceased to be, too, once the period is put) end.

* Somebody say "decidophobia" please.


2 Ev: Thanx for hanging around... Feel at home. =)  ¶

13:19 |

 

bluepen pens uninteresting thoughts here from today onwards  ¶

11:26 |